Effective communication is at the heart of any true effort to transform conflict. When people are able to listen deeply and speak unarguably they move towards greater understanding and are able to make better decisions.
If I could change only one thing it would be for people to listen better.
-Duncan Autrey
Like leaves on a tree, we each search for the light & our choices contribute to the growth of humanity. Conflict is an opportunity to learn about and care for the things we value most. Life is an infinite dance between self and other, giving and receiving, speaking and listening.
Check out Duncan's Podcast:
Speaking
The world needs your perspective and participation.
How can you share your experience in an honest and non-judgemental way?
Describe what you notice.
Share your unique perspective.
Be objective.
Try to avoid interpretation.
Share your feelings.
Focus on your own experience.
Own your feelings.
Avoid faux-feelings and hidden accusations (e.g.: “I feel ignored/attacked/left out.” )
Speak your interests.
What do you need?
What are your deepest needs?
Unsure? Look at this list of universal human needs.
Make a Clear Request
Ask for what you want.
Don’t say what you don’t want.
Listen openly to the response.
Listening
Listening fully and deeply to others helps them open up, heal & grow. How can you show someone that you care about their experience?
Acknowledge their experience.
Let go of your ego and shift your attention to them for a moment.
Imagine what they’re going through.
Validate or guess their feelings (even if you don’t agree with their perspective).
Reflect back what you hear
Ensure that you heard them correctly.
Reflect what you heard back to them.
Make sure you got it right, or try again.
Be Curious & Ask Questions
Try to understand what’s most important to them.
Show you care about their interests and priorities.
Help them articulate what they want to see happen
Mneumonic: Acknowledgment, Repetition and Curiosity are the “ARC” of the conversation.